Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy Birthday to all 31, 727 New Thoroughbreds!*

Notes From Chapter 10:

"In order to insure that an afternoon or racing could be followed by beer and ribs, these early organizers (The Jockey Club), implemented a universal birth date of January 1st for all Thoroughbreds born in North America.  Actually The English Jockey Club came up with this plan in the 1700's and it's one of the few archaic English customs that survived the Tea Party.  Since the Brits aren't big on barbecuing, it probably had something to do with either the Cod season or the Irish.

Since Mother Nature wasn't consulted by The Jockey Club, 'Mom' has responded by enforcing the old-fashioned tradition of identifying real maturity according to actual minutes spent sucking air.  Think if they did this to people.  All the restaurants would fill up on January 1st, Hallmark stores would go nuts and everybody would spend the day singing Happy Birthday.  It would be like a cross between a mass escape from the local zoo and a polka festival with a no-host bar.  The country would come to a standstill because everybody would be too hungover the next day to even sort the mail.  Trust me, the old Soviet Union would take advantage of this guttural orgy and overrun Europe.  Before everybody digested enough aspirin and tomato juice, the Red Army would be dining in Paris.  Once Russians tasted real food, they'd never go home."

*A wild guess based on obsolete and useless information.

Next Time:  What if we tried this with our children?

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