Monday, December 29, 2014

Why Am I Still Here? Oh...damn Begonia needs watering.

Working Out New Year's Resolu...No, Delusions!*

*According to this rather obscure author:

1)      I am not going to let Doc breed a mare that is worth less than his lawnmower.  She is going to have to find her own date.

2)      The next time a horse knocks down a fence, I’m going to declare it ‘environmental revisionist thinking ’ and leave it that way.  I have no idea what that means and nobody else will either.

3)      I am never going to lose my temper with a yearling again.  (Well, maybe.)

4)      The stallion will learn some manners.  I’m sure I can hire somebody mean (or terminally ill) to deal with that one.

5)      Maybe consider moving my bed a little further from the window.  Just a foot or so.

6)      I will live to see a vet bill under $500.

7)      I’m going to find a cat with some degree of loyalty and table manners.

8)      I will deal with the manure pile before it decides to deal with me.

9)      All halter breaking will take place in-utero.

10)   I’ll hear a trainer say, “You know, you could be right.”

11)   I am going to check my rubber boots for slugs before I put them on.

12)   I am not going to get my thumb caught in the manure spreader¼again.

13)   I will confess the whole sordid story of farm finances to Elaine.  Actually, I’ll send her an anonymous telegram from Mexico.

14)   I’m never going to try to look smart in front of a woman again.  Boy, that’s an easy one.  Wonder why it’s so far down the list?

15)   And, if it happens to work and she’s willing, I am going to ask that woman to marry me.  Or go steady, or¼still, I’ll have to quit smoking.  And maybe reconsider the advantages of a college education.  Who knows?  Might write a book or something.

Well, that about covers it...