Need to be extremely attentive to boring details, semi-conscious during working hours and should know basic First-Aid, self-defibrillation and a rudimentary knowledge of bowel surgery and/or self-hypnosis. Marginal derangement, amphetamine addiction or chronically narcoleptic individuals encouraged to apply. No previous experience desirable.
Hobbies/Activities Encouraged:
Ability to appreciate the migratory habits of dead spiders.
Experimental Microwaving Projects.
Playing strip-poker with the barn cat.. and losing on purpose.
Practicing chopsticks with warm Jell-O.
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Strongly Encouraged: An Ability to Converse with Local Crisis Clinics:
"Hello, Crisis Clinic, Hello?"
"Pepperoni and olives. Uh, did I pick up my dry cleaning?"
"Hello?"
"Heeerre's Johnny!"
"This is the Crisis Clinic. How much French roast have you had?"
"Oops. Can't talk now, my shoe's untied!"
"Do you want us to send an ambulance?"
"Sure, can they bring along the pizza?"
"Ever considered de-caf?"
"Wasn't he the president of Israel?"
"We're trying to help."
"And I appreciate that in a pizza parlor!"
Openings Begin January 1st at Breeding Farms Throughout Your Area
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